A lot has changed. Well, maybe? It is hard to quantify whether I have had more or less change in the last four years than is typical. I did finish school (so now I am a doctah!) and I did get married to that out-of-this-world, sweet boj-o-mine, Bahb (so now I am misses doctah!).
See! LOOK! Wedding stuffs!
But anyhoo, looking through my old posts the changes in myself are a bit more striking...
I see in my last post I indicated I wanted to live a cleaner, simpler lifestyle, and I actually ran with that. I haven't used shampoo in over three years and I have made all of my own beauty products, toothpaste and laundry soap for a few years now. I freaking love being able to make myself something when I run out instead of having to run to the store, but, DEAR GOD, is it ever a hassle to go through airport security with a baggy of white powder (i.e. baking soda).
One of the wildly unexpected down sides to this, however, is solely that of my own doing. I LOVE TO SHOP. In fact, I am Alex and I straight up have a goddamn shopping problem. I have spent years getting little twinges of sadness that I don't get to buy adorably packaged body lotions or pricey facial serums with lofty promises of somehow shaving decades off of my face. I shit you not, I would get a quantifiable satisfaction from purchasing an unnecessary beauty indulgence, and without that these past 4 years, I have had to turn to purchasing other things to fill that void.
Other things, you say? OH, NOT JUST OTHER THINGS. ALL OF THE THINGS. With the once-hallowed halls of Sephora no longer holding anything of use to me, I turned to over-priced, hand-poured, small-batch candles, dresses from obscure designers, leopard print booties (for reals, I have nine different pairs of leopard print booties) and all of the sterling silver rings from local Navajo artisans that my little fingers can handle. I mean, there are other things too, like my obsession with Soleri and utensil-based wind chimes (I have to just hang them around the house at this point, there is just no more room outside) and, not to mention that I have a seeming inability to not purchase a travel coffee container when I happen across one.
The point is, even though I know why I shop, it doesn't make it easier to stop. And I need to stop. It's not a financial thing (although that isn't terrible motivation!) but rather a piece of mind thing. I feel goddamn suffocated. STUFFOCATED, if you will.
I am making concerted efforts here to get rid of some items by giving them away, however. A lot of things can go straight to charities, but it is also deeply gratifying to match some of the amazing women in my life with clothes they would love. In fact, I filled up a closet in a spare room with clothes I want to give away to girlfriends the other night, and I shit you not, the clothes broke the bar. I hung up the clothes, snapped a pic to send to the gals to whom I want to give the clothes, closed the door and then heard a loud crash. The bar had broken from the weight of all of the clothes.
We hope to eventually give away all of the excess in our lives, and, admittedly, I find myself fantasizing about tiny home living someday with Bahb and the pups. But going from 2000 square feet to 200 will take time. Maybe we will shoot for 1000 square feet first...
At any rate, there is sort of a point. I want to go from mindless online shopping to very concerted and mindful shopping. You know, only buy something if it is absolutely needed, purchase second hand when possible and do everything in my power to make sure my purchase has as little of a negative impact as possible. I know how unbelievably fortunate I am to have had the means and freedom to purchase these items, but unfortunately, it is becoming increasingly inadmissible that there are steep environmental and human impacts on consumption.
Maybe I will blog about that, I mean, after all, I need something to do online instead of shopping...