Dear Creatures Feature: Part I

Oh my GOODNESS, where the hell have I been?  How did I let the Dear Creatures train pass on by for so long?  

I mean, my word...

I very infrequently find myself admiring the quality of the clothes I own, which is mainly due to my love of Free People and Urban Outfitters (great styles, simply abysmal quality), but I am seriously smitten here.

I bought my first Dear Creatures dress this past month to wear for my birthday from Modcloth, which I will at some point wear again and put on here I'm sure, and from there it just snowballed.

If only the Dear Creatures phase would've kicked in when mama was still making it rain as a full-time workin' gal!  Because as it is?  I have to resort to scouring the internet for sales and markdowns.  Take this romper, I bought this romper off eBay for $18!  $18!   

The pattern is so precious, the detailing so perfect and it's wonderfully constructed.  This is not a piece of clothing that I need to be ginger with.  This is one rough and tumble romper!  

But seriously?  A romper off eBay?  That's a serious risk.  Especially for me and my elongated torso.  To illustrate this let me mention that my boyfriend and I are almost the same height when we are seated, which isn't exceptional in and of itself, until I mention that he is a full 11 inches taller than me.  

Romper: Dear Creatures

Jacket: Target

Hat: Free People

Shoes: Frye

It seems so trivial now, but when I couldn't wear cute one piece swimsuits or track uniforms, or when I'd get sent home in high school when my stomach inevitably showed because the Abercrombie shirts I lived in all through the early 2000's were just not designed to fit my body, my torso length really bothered me.  

When I was growing up there always seemed to be something bothering me about my body.  I spent my tween years praying to develop, hoping every summer that I'd be able to come back to school with a shiny new pair of boobs in August.  That lasted until high school when it occurred to me that I love not having to wear bras and then I started to fixate on how I'd look so much better if only my inseam were an inch or two longer to even me out a bit.

I am realizing that now, as I type this, that I am in no way insecure about my long torso and short legs anymore.  I don't know whether it comes with being busy and not having time to pick apart my body, or if it comes with the shifting paradigm of priorities associated with adulthood, or if it comes with just growing into one's own skin.  It might be a mix of the three, but it never hurts to realize you are so much more than your outward appearance (says the girl who blogs what she wears everyday). 

Take away point?  I need every Dear Creatures creation ever.  EVER.

Captain's Blog, Stardate 9522.1

So it really does appear that I am more or less incapable of creating a post that doesn't have a cringe-inducing, over-the-top, corny-as-fuck title.  It's kind of my "thing."  

Anyway, so this last year I didn't really post on here.  At all.  I mean I was, and still am, really really stupidly busy.  Like really busy.  Like a "SHIT! RUN HOME! CHANGE! GO TO LAB! RUN HOME! EAT! SHIT! GO BACK TO LAB! RUN HOME! CHANGE! GO TO WORK! RUN HOME! GRAB KETCHUP! BRING IT TO BAHB'S FOR SAUSAGES!" kind of busy, so it was only natural that this fell by the wayside.  

And that's fine, because while blogging is a thing, it's certainly not the be all and end all of things.  It's a great outlet and such, but I pretty much wrote it off as a thing I tried that didn't really "take."  However, as time passed, I was surprised to the extent I found myself wishing I had kept on top of it, if for no other reason than having a living document of what I've done and where I've been.  

I don't keep journals.  Every attempt at keeping a journal has started and ended the same way.  I see an  adorable journal/notebook/writing tablet of sorts at the store and go "OH! you know what, I should keep a journal!" so I buy it and begin writing in it... write away (I can't stop with the puns).  But that only lasts a matter of days and before long I lose it, along with my interest.  

This blog doesn't seem like that for me.  I mean, yes, it was this shiny new thing at one point, but upon looking back at it, it still makes me happy and I do wish it were a bit fuller. So frequently I have a habit of getting ahead of myself, I plan and worry and fret and I am constantly either living in the burden of the past or being horrified by the inherent uncertainty of the future.

Dress: Funktional (Nasty Gal)

Shoes: Ecote (Urban Outfitters)

Necklace: Hannah Makes Things (Modcloth)

Bangle: I got it at Dillard's forever ago

Bag: Gift from my mom

Sunglasses: Ray Bans

This blog really does help me extricate myself from useless worry and allows me to actually exist in the here and now.

With that said, I do understand that blogging is realistically the first on the chopping block when things get harried.  So in looking through all of the blogs I have followed over the years, I understand why some of those bloggers I developed interwebs relationships with haven't posted in a year or why they deleted their blogs altogether, but it still makes me a little sad.  

I guess I learned through trial and error that there are some things in life that won't allow you to just pick up right where you left off.  It makes me feel kind of shitty for quitting blogging cold turkey and not at least keeping up with those wonderful ladies while I had a chance.  

Fortunately there are still a whole shit ton of the amazing gals I used to follow who are still posting out into the ether, and I am so glad to be able to follow those blogs again (like Claire, who was probably my very first blog friend and the incomparable Lydia and the darling Kimi and, of course, Emily and Erin and at least a half dozen others).  So really?  I'm just being drama.  

Whatevs, I'm just feeling my feel feels.  Basically, this is yet another annoying "Alex learned some shit" post but at least my dress is perfection.

Seriously, I eyed that thing for the better part of the year, visiting it at Nasty Gal often.  Watching, waiting.  For that beautiful markdown.  When at long last it came, I sold some clothes on eBay to negate the cost, and long story short, I, uhhhhh, got me some dress.   

The Solstice with the Mostess

I'm a little late... but... FALL!  It's FALL!

The best season ever.

Since I've spent the last 26 years living in the greater Phoenix metropolitan area I have basically never had a good and proper fall.  It's sad to admit, but leaves don't even change colors here until well into January, when it is finally cold enough. So even though I say I love fall, I basically love the idea of fall.

Seriously though.  It's an obsession.  I love everything fall.  The sights, the smells, the tastes...

As I type this I am burning a Cashmere Woods candle by Glade (oh my GOD, it smells delicious) and sipping on the Republic of Tea's Pumpkin Ginger Spice black tea from my orange hued owl mug.  Even though the air conditioning is running, we are in FULL FALL MODE over here, people.

 

My love of the season extends to clothing as well.  The burnt hues and mustards!  I can't... I just... there are no words for how much I love autumnal hues.  This outfit made my day so much more fall friendly.  Despite the temperatures being in the low 100's, I was convinced that every breeze had a subtle tinge of chilly attached to it.  

Blouse: Tucker for Target

Skirt: Tracy Feith for Target

Shoes: MIA

Bag: Vintage Dooney & Bourke

Sunglasses: Ray Ban

Earrings: Electric Ladyland

There is just an excitement attached to fall, perhaps it is the barrage of occasions. Starting with school starting and my birthday and continuing on through Thanksgiving, there seems to always be something to be excited about during fall.  

And boy howdy does fall go by quickly...

Between school and work and midterms and blah and blah and blah, I really need to be on top of things to get the most out of the season.  The last two years in a row I haven't been able to carve pumpkins or dress up for Halloween with Bahb because I had stupid projects and tests, so this year I'm determined to keep shit under control so I can have time to indulge in all of the trappings of autumn.

Even if I have to keep the damn air conditioning down extra low to make sweaters and hot tea bearable, I will be doing that.  Because it's fall, weather (HA! a pun!) the Phoenix metropolitan area chooses to behave accordingly or not.  

Am I alone in this fixation?!  Fall is freaking fantastic, right?!

My Doppler Shift

This dress always elicits the most confusing observations from men.  I know that black and white vertical stripes are a lot for the eye to take in, but seriously guys?  It's not THAT out there.  For instance, take today...

I was walking to the bathroom in the ERC (the engineering building where my lab is located) and a man with a very heavy accent murmured something in my general direction.  He had a smile on his face, so I assumed he wanted me to hear whatever he said....

"eesdatyoursldfkjsdlfkjsdlfkjsdlfkjslkdfjs?"

"Excuse me?"

"Is that your sdflkjsldfkjslkdfjslkdf?"

"HUH?"

"IS THAT YOUR DOPPLER EFFECT COSTUME?"

*awkward laugh* "I guess so! uhhh... bye!" *quickly scurries off*

For how brief of an exchange it was, it was way more awkward than it should have been. While I will concede that I have a tendency to be super awkward when bombarded with unplanned human interactions, the problem was more that it served to underscore the fact that so much of who I am sticks out like a sore thumb around all of the other engineering grad students.

I mean, I have had people straight up ask me "are you lost?! I always see you walking around the ERC, are you looking for something?"  JEEEEZ.  You always see me walking around the buildings relegated for engineering research and study and you can't allot me the benefit of the doubt that, oh, I don't know, I know full well where I am and I have actual reason to be there?  

So while this guy was probably just being congenial and making a super nerdy joke about the busyness of the starkly contrasted, thin, vertical stripes on my dress, it struck a nerve.  

Dress: KNT by Kova (Urban Outfitters)

Shoes: Lovely People

Awesome Watch: Casio

Scarf: Goodwill

Also, you know when you think of the perfect rebuttal long after the moment has passed?  Like three minutes later I had completely moved on mentally when BAM...

"ACTUALLY... this is my Doppler SHIFT!" popped into my head.

AHHHHH! That was it.  THE PERFECT RESPONSE.  And I missed it.  Although, to be fair, technically this dress is not a shift because it has sleeves, and there's a good chance (A REALLY GOOD CHANCE) that the dude would have had no idea that a shift is also a type of dress...

Whatever, I am still MASTER of puns.

On an unrelated note, these shoes are wonderful.  Just wonderful.  Every time I look down at my feet, which, to be honest, is pretty damn often when I have these shoes on, I think of those awesome long balloons that you can make roses and creatures and hats out of.  One time a complete stranger told me my shoes reminded her of the same thing ("you know! like the ones that they make balloon animals out of?!") and, in that moment, we were one.  She GETS me.

Anyway, I'm goofy as fuck and wear weird things.  I decided a good while ago that life is too goddamn short to waste a single second worrying about what assumptions people will make about you based on your appearance.  As a mere mortal I do have moments where I feel insecure about the stark contrast between me and my constituency, but then I look down at my sweet ass shoes that look like they are made from those long balloons and I completely forget what I was thinking about and skip off happily. 

It helps to be easily distracted. 

Back in the Saddle

So the other day after a random, fateful Google image search, I saw a picture of me from this blog and went "Oh, SHIT! I forgot about that thing!"  So OF COURSE I took a few minutes and went back through all my old posts with increasing nostalgia... as I went further and further back it dawned on me that I started this blog over two years ago.  

I know that in the scheme of things, like the universal time frame and such, two years is a mere pittance, an inconceivably inconsequential amount of time, but for me, these last two years and some odd change have been characterized by a marked amount of transition.

It seems that eternal polarization is a constant for me.  When I started this blog I was completely put-together and self-sufficient, but mentally I was just a mess... now, as a 3rd year PhD student, I am pretty unsure of where rent is going to come from every month, but I am slowly but surely learning how to just chill the fuck out about it and enjoy what I have going.

I was worried that my 26th birthday would send me into the same spiraling sinkhole that the big 2-5 did, but such was not the case at all.  I turned 26 last week and my birthday was every bit a wonderful, low-key, happy day. I found myself strangely proud of my age (like the natural passage of time has anything in the least to do with me, my word, the EGO on this one), and the more easygoing acceptance I slowly began working to foster within myself this year. The stupid, suffocating, self-imposed expectations I have put on myself over the years had really begun taking their toll, and that kind of stress and self-loathing is so inconceivably detrimental and unnecessary that it became painfully obvious that I needed to change something.

I have to accept that grad school means I won't have the control I had when I was a full-time workin' gal. That's all. Grad school means less money, not less life.  I have often referred to grad school as a sort of prelude to a legitimate, adult life.  I found myself thinking asinine thoughts like, "I can't wait to graduate so my life can begin," but what the hell is the point in that?  There is no waiting for life to begin, it is an evolution of circumstances and situations, some well without the realm of our control, and I need to just live it and enjoy it.  To toil away waiting for life to begin is as futile as it is wasteful.  

Anyway, boring, winding, unfocused and long story short, in this last year I really feel I've gotten a little more outside of myself.  In revisiting my blog posts this past week I was reminded of how much I love having a chronicle of such a dynamic and random time in my life.  I regret not blogging since January.  If I would've blogged since January I'd have documentation of one of the more interesting years of my adult life.  If for no other reason than I will have an awesome archive of a hugely transitive time, I am hopefully going to get back in the saddle here.  OH!  Horse pun 'cause I'm wearing a horsey shirt!  That has post title written ALL OVER IT...

Seriously though, with my boyfriend, my partner in crime and adventure, I did some incredibly uncharacteristic things this year, and I couldn't be happier.  I am so thankful that I have someone like Bahb in my life, because left to my own devices, I wouldn't do a damn thing that was slightly outside of the very rigid confines of my comfort zone.   

Awesome Horse Tank Top: Free People

Less Awesome Horseless Tank Top: Forever 21

Skirt: Francesca's (a birthday gift from the wonderful Erica!)

Shoes: Dolce Vita

Speaking of the eternal juxtaposition in which I exist, I would love to say that I also opened myself up to new things stylistically this year, but the truth is that no matter how compulsive and neurotic and paranoid I can be, I always dress and style myself with reckless abandon. Case in point, I decided I needed a change, so this year I decided to go back to ULTRABLONDE! SQUEEEEE!  I more or less destroyed my hair's very will to live with all of the processing that was needed to eradicate all of the black dye I put in my hair in the spring of 2011... but I prefer to just call all of that extra damage added texture.

So here I am, blogging again after a few unceremonious and short-lived comebacks... it makes me feel a little fraudulent, but there we go again with all of the pressures I put on myself for no real reason.  And, to be fair, one of the bigger reasons I didn't blog this past year is because I haven't had a reliable camera. After barreling through two different point and shoots, my photography fanatic father very sweetly gave me his spare DSLR last month.  Needless to say, bumbling around with that camera and figuring out how in God's name it works is high on my Blogging To Do List.

Anyway, that was my requisite, angsty, mid-twenties, corny coming-of-age post, I promise those will be kept to a minimum...

Have great days anyone who sees this!